Right Back

One of my current favorite songs out there right now is “Right Back” by Khalid.  To me, this song is the perfect embodiment of what a song of the summer sounds like.  I can feel the adrenaline in my body just thinking about driving down Laguna Boulevard (slightly dimmed because of the sunglasses I will be wearing) with my windows down and this song playing at full volume in my car.  I can picture my car full of my favorite co-workers who have now become my best friends, each of them with a big smile painted on their face. The bass of my car speakers vibrates our seats. The wind coming through my windows flows the scent of my tropical air freshener throughout the car. This song inspired me to create a summer jams playlist once school is out. I hope whoever is reading gives this song a listen!

A.R.

Hello All!

Hi all! My name is Angelica Julieta Ruiz and I am in my VERY LAST semester here at Cosumnes River College! I will be graduating with my Associate’s Degree for Early Childhood Education on May 22. It has been a wild ride at this school, to say the least. I have been through the roller coaster of starting out here directly out of high school, feeling overwhelmed with having to pick a major, dropping out (twice), bouncing back from academic probation, to finally deciding on a major, taking 16 units in one semester while working thirty five hours a week, and reaching the completion of my degree.  If you had told me a couple of years ago that I would make it here, I would not have believed you. Now, let’s get writing!

A.R.

Easter Sunday

Every year I’m obligated to go to church twice. Once for Christmas and once for Easter. There are so many sensations in church that I only see in church. Nowhere else. The smell of candles and whatever scent the release during midnight mass are something I never experience anyplace else. I never hear the sound of a massive church organ playing and a choir singing together. All of these sensations come together to create a unique feeling. Everything feels so old, from the texts to the rituals and the songs. The most unique part about church to me is drinking wine and eating a wafer. I wonder where churches buy their bread. -A.C

My New Boba Buddy

Last week at work, my coworker, “Lexi,” approached me asking if I wanted to hang out and grab a bite to eat with them. I initially started this idea about two months ago jokingly, as I doubt anyone as cool as her would be interested in hanging out with a guy like me. But to my surprise, she actually accepted and asked my availability. To be honest, I never thought I would get this far in the first place.

After a very warm day outside, I was sitting in my room, anxiously waiting her response to when she would be coming. I failed my driver’s test a while back and my schedule has been too busy to hang out with others and relearn to drive, but I was able to have class cancelled today so we used this opportunity to hang out. She was willing to drive me to get boba and later go to Panera Bread, as she has never had Boba and I never had Panera Bread.

The reason why I wanted to hang out “Lexi” today was her personality. She has the personality of someone whose always walking forward. If she doesn’t see any worth in you, she won’t bother talking to you. We’ve worked with each other for more than a year, and this would be the first time I can prove myself in her eyes. And I was, at all costs.

She picked me up and we went to a nearby boba shop close to my house. “Lexi” is a pretty decisive person; it seems like she already knows what she’ll do before she even reacts to what would happen. I could see it in her driving; how she positioned herself, how she moved her arms, and how she used her diction in the way she talked. I knew that how I acted around her would be a deciding factor of our continued friendship.

We arrived at the boba shop, thankfully before the nearby middle and high-schoolers were relieved from school. I ordered for “Lexi,” but her ambition led her to order a drink she never even tried before. I was worried that if she didn’t like the drink, she wouldn’t want to hang out again. But she did, or at least I think. My intuition tells me that she pretended to like it out of my sake, which I do appreciate her trying.

We then drove to Panera. At first, our conversations were somewhat dry, as we kept talking about food and what places were ideal to eat at. Then it evolved to talking about our co-workers. I learned more about her as we talked, and at the basis, our personalities are similar, but she has a lot more raw self-confidence than I do.

I made sure that I was not trying to hit on her, and she did know that. I am already committed to “E” and no matter how cool anyone else is, me and “E” have something special.

I can’t really word what happened after those conversations, as I swore that I would not speak about the rest of our adventures today, but we bonded. The more we talked, the more personal we got. She, despite her enormous personality, allowed herself to be vulnerable to me, and I was able to be vulnerable with her as well. I believe that our bond deepened, and she said she would look forward to meeting with me on Saturday for our job’s newest tradition: the month-end barbecue.

Unfortunately, I start work at 3 p.m. on Saturday. Hopefully I’ll see her after. – J.E.

To: Dad

Dear Dad,

You loved me even before you saw me. The moment you heard you were about to be a father, you already had so much love for me. Without knowing me, seeing me, or even holding me…you loved me.

With that love, you had a life planned out for me. You left your family and your home on the islands just to make sure your daughter had the best life you never were able to live. You left the life you knew and made all those sacrifices…all for me?

Then we met and your love only grew. You treated me like a queen in the making. From listening to all of my crazy demands, to letting me speak my mind, and even staying quiet while I scream in anger, you only learned to love me despite of it all.

Anytime I needed you, physically or mentally, I know I could count on you. From sneaking snacks when mom was not watching, to staying up with me while I do my homework, all the way to wiping my tears every time I got hurt; you were always there.

If I am alive today, it is only because you chose to protect me. You always did what you thought was best. You protected me by providing me with your values, your knowledge of the world around me, and the little lessons in between.

You are my superhero.

Seeing you makes my day. Talking to you makes me smile. A hug from you brings me peace I could never achieve alone.

Thank you for showing me what love should be. Thank you for showing me the way I deserve to be treated. Thank you for helping me understand who I am inside and out.

I love you Pa.

Forever and always.

-N.D.

Healing

Tonight, I wanted to share a poem by a currently favorite author of mine. Her name is Ruby Dhal and this is a poem from her book A Handful of Stars. Enjoy!

-N.D. 

I wish that
one day you heal
that when your face smiles
your soul smiles with you. 

I wish that
one day you feel happy
on the inside and
positivity touches
your core, 

I wish that
one day that your heart
stops hurting and 
his memories fade away
and you learn that you 
deserve the best that
life gives you
and nothing less, 

and I wish that 
one day you give love
another chance
where you open your
heart and soul to another
person one more time  
 one last time
because love needs you to, 

just this once
just this once. 

Reunion

This spring break was interesting to me, but by far the best day was probably today. I had planned to go and play Super Smash Brothers Ultimate with an old friend and rival of mine, “I”, but sadly he had work. “E” and I were waiting at our local card shop waiting for him, twiddling our thumbs. As we were getting ready to leave, two of our old friends walked in looking for us. Let’s name them “A” and “J.” It had been over six months since we all hung out with each other, due to how busy we all have been. But it was nice.

I cannot stress how good it feels to be reunited. The air around me was as light as a feather, and involvement with those guys is always supported. People can’t help with smile when friends are with each other. Senses be more acute, people pick up on cues, always trying to keep the discussion going, never seeing the end to fun. I have missed this feeling, as my horizon has been bogged down with assignment after assignment. Being around old friends invites new smells, as we are trying to make use of what time we have, using our senses and charisma doing the work.

Soon, my friends, we will be with each other again. – J.E.

Caged Bird

“I know why the caged bird sings”, an old saying people still use today.

Often times when people feel trapped, furious, or even sad; they will refer back to this saying. It derives from a poem written by Maya Angelou who depicts a caged bird with clipped wings, tied feet, and cries of fear. It sings because essentially that poor bird is trapped and scared.

But what if I told you that that is not why the caged bird sings. What if I told you it is singing to make the best out of its current situation. What if I told you that the caged bird is singing because it’s the one thing that is keeping it alive. It’s the one thing the world has not taken from it.

What if I told you…I am a caged bird.

One that desires freedom and a slip of opportunity to fly and see if my wings can make it past this cage, that window, that distant hill I have been chirping about this whole time. However, just like the caged bird, my wings are clipped by society’s standards and expectations. My feet are tied by my role as a woman. I am caged because men cannot learn to just admire my beauty. I may be cooped up in the corner of the room, but the hope in my soul is keeping me alive. By chirping and singing sounds of glee and happiness, I remind myself everyday I can one day be a free bird…

A soaring bird…

and never again a caged bird.

-N.D.

Another Day, Another Blossom

Last week, I took the time out to sit under the tree in my backyard. It was the first time where I finally understood the beauty of nature.

Have you ever noticed a tree in its truest form? Have you ever witnessed the strength of a tree? How it can withstand the strongest of winds, storms, and other weather conditions. How it can have the strength to carry children in its arms and have people like me lean on its body. How nurturing and beautiful despite everything it’s been through.

Today I was in the presence of a tree who stands high above the ground, radiating its beauty. I remember watching my dad cut the branches every season, and now the same tree is offering me shade. I remember watching the cold drying out its beautiful flowers, and now they are all blossoming effervescently. We used to drown this tree with all the dirt we could find, and now its roots are strong and grounded.

In this world, I choose to be like this tree.

No matter how many times one may cut my branches, shrivel my flowers, and throw dirt at me; I will give myself seasons worth of time to blossom effortlessly. Despite all the negativity, I choose to grow and nurture those who come in my path; provide shade for those who seek it, beauty in those who need it, and roots so strong it can withstand anything and anyone.

After all, even a flower needs a little dirt to grow.


Late Nights

The cool wind of the ceiling fan brushes against my skin, forcing myself awake. The icy chill is not one that I’m not familiar with, as it is my coping mechanism to my trauma which is school. Assignment after assignment, only twenty-four hours into a day, and at least 1/3 to 1/4 of it spent asleep. Too many things to do, not enough time. My fingers grind against the keyboard, striking instinctively to an independent rhythm all to have a spontaneous pause of a fix or correction. The mouth drying up, as its stress for creativity evaporates the well of imagination. The air, stale, hosting no smell but the anxiety of completion and hope of rest. The computer revving its fans, allowing itself to cool down from the stress that warms it up. Bones cracking and aching, being forced to put up such a posture to compose ones self, fighting off bad habits of relaxing. Eyes begin to feel heavy, losing its focus, as the day’s fatigue attacks the body at its weakest state. But the strong still moves forward, as they know that life has deadlines. And their deadline, specifically, is at 12 a.m.

This life is not an easy one, but hopefully one who’s labor will soon reap its reward.

– J.E.