Loss

A very late hello from me! I am so late with posting my blogs, but I thought I’d catch up and share my first post on this site.

For today’s post, I wanted to share Sam Smith’s song, “Lay Me Down”. It is such a cliche song to choose, and I am well aware that people understand the general meaning of this song; but for me it’s different.

Five years ago, I lost my best friend to suicide. It was the most difficult situation I had ever come across my life. For a year I struggled with coping with the loss, with the idea of trying to move on, and understanding how to compartmentalize between my desire of wanting her back and the actual reality of her not coming back. There is never a day that goes by where I do not miss her. Sometimes I’ll be reminded of videos or pictures of her and I will start typing away and sharing it with her…before I realize that I can’t. It hits hard. Very hard.

When Sam Smith came out with this single, it was the first time I broke down. Over and over again, I’d listen to this song. The chords, the lyrics, and his voice perfectly capture everything I felt when I lost my best friend. It was the truest expression of my grief.

If you are reading this, I ask that you listen to the song from my perspective. In the beginning, you’ll notice with every new stanza or emotion he conveys in his lyrics, in the background the piano will drop. Those hits of the piano illustrates the literal pain my heart felt when I realized that my friend was actually gone. Every time I realized I won’t be able to hug her, text her, see her, or even talk to her; my heart sunk a little closer too my stomach. As he continues with his lyrics of coping, the beat slowly begins to pick up. That’s what my world felt like. Once I came to terms with my loss, my life started slowly picking up.

This song hits home for me. Every beat, every word, and even the silence; they each contribute to the emotion, my heart beat, and even the tears I put out. This song is painful to hear, but it helped me get through one of the darkest times of my life.

-N.D.

A Very Late Hello

Hello everyone! The person writing this one is the author “J.E.” from our group, Finding Our Five Senses. I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself in the beginning. But here I am! And I am quite happy with joining this team! I love reading your posts! (Hopefully everyone will post).

A little about me. I am in my second year of college, getting ready to finish this semester to start my final year here at CRC. After this, I plan on transferring to Sac State to study my Masters in English. My goal is to be an English teacher.

Some of my hobbies include: watching anime, bike riding, playing card games, traveling, and sleeping. In fact, had it not been of one of the anime’s I finished last semester, Hunter X Hunter, I probably wouldn’t have picked this group.

For those of you who have never watched it, DO IT! It’s about a young boy on the quest to find his dad. I can’t give you anymore details about that or else it will ruin the plot. But one of the focuses on the anime is the idea called “Nen,” or the spiritual energy that one emits. The power of “Nen” allows anyone to create any power that falls into their category. Here’s a common link to show where you fall category wise:

https://www.proprofs.com/quiz-school/story.php?title=mtexodexmqrfat

I fall under the category of an “Enhancer,” which allows me to enhance my physical capabilities. And sense I have been told that I have really good senses, my “Nen” would be this power called “Sage Mode,” Naruto fans know what I am talking about. This power would allow me to sense anything within a radius, people, living things, emotions, the like. And since I like the idea of “Nen” so much and I’m in this group, it’s a great way to portray the writing aspect of what I experience due to my heightened senses.

Hopefully you all enjoy my blog posts! Feel free to leave a comment if you want to discuss any of them. It could be this one or any of them. See ya next time!

– J.E.


Her

I was on a date with my current girlfriend, we’ll call her “E”, about a month and a half ago. We went to a McDonald’s and were eating Oreo McFlurry’s. I just got off of work and she took me home. We were both sitting there, talking about whatever came across our minds. The atmosphere was pretty nice. There was a father and son near us, eating their food. I overheard them talking about their Quarter Pounder didn’t have pickles, and saw them approach the poor, stressed out worker for a customization of his sandwich. “E” gave me a sincere look, and for whatever reason, it surprised me. She was happy and I was happy. We didn’t have the time to see each other that much due to our busy schedules. And I enjoyed the time that we shared with each other.

But it changed when I saw her.

From the corner of my eye, after the father and son got their pickles added to their sandwich, I saw my ex,”C.” I didn’t think it was her, but I was psyching myself out if I thought otherwise. I know her, or at least I know her enough. I know her face, I know her hair, and I know her posture. “C” walked in with her little brother, who grew up quite a lot since I last saw him. I know that we broke up over three years ago, but seeing her again put my body into shock.

“E” looked at me. She was always good at understanding me, sometimes better than my actual self. My body went stiff. My posture corrected itself. Any movement that I made was only for the sake of retreat. My head no longer moved, only my eyes. And when my eyes moved, it was at a fixed angle that I could not control. My anxiety spiked up, and probably to the point where it defied reason. You could smell how stressed out I was. I saw her look at us in the corner of my eye. And I tried my hardest not to catch her gaze. All I wanted was to leave and never see her again.

“E” put her had on mine. “You’re okay, it’s in the past,” she said. But I don’t think she knew the full extent or significance of that encounter. Out of the two and a half years me and “C” dated back in high school, this was the first time I saw her in public.

And I was not ready to see her. -J.E.

Spring

I forgot about this season. I used to chew on the stems of a certain flower outside right around this time. I wrote flower so it sounds better, not really sure what they were. They were sour, smelled like grass but that was probably because I was barely a couple of feet above the grass at the time. I wonder how many calories they were. I didn’t care about calories back then, the smell just clued me into Easter coming. A loud house at Easter meant good food.

Spring is summer perfected. The only reason I would show any sort of excitement for Spring to be over is that it ushered in the end of school. Spring has sprung and I hope it stays. – A.C

The Unseen, Under-qualified, Unrequited Love

Once in my elementary school days, I was taking my bike home. My sense of balance allowed me to bike ride without my hands on the bar. As I was easily slipping through cars and unruly students, I saw in my farthest depths of my peripheral vision my childhood crush. I waved at her and called her name to get her attention. She locked eyes on with me and I felt that the world slowed down. In this moment, there was only me and her that existed. Everyone else was a stock character in our grand play. “Turn the other way silly,” she said. I misheard her and thought she said, “Come my way, silly!” Arms outstretched, I lunged for her on my bike, but failed to recognize that a car had just stopped in front of me and opened their car door. My front tire connected with the door and I flipped off my bike and landed back first on the street. I was out for 5 minutes. “Are you ok,” the owner of the car asked. “Yeah,” I responded. “Where’s Laura?” The lady told me that she waited for 3 minutes for me to get back up and then figured that I would be ok and left.

Some crush huh. – J. E.

Recreational Soccer

Surrounded by classmates, gathered around outside of school. Before the game starts, picking up sticks, not thinking about soccer in the slightest. Hot days, capri suns, parents crowded. Sticky shin guards that my mother would have to pry off. Smell of grass and the pain of a burn from sliding on grass. Gathering round to shake hands in a line. Good game. Good game. Good game. Good game. Thanks Austin’s mom for the apples but can you bring cookies next week?Score didn’t matter, bruises didn’t matter. The snacks mattered.

Wholesome times. – A.C

Witness to the Unseen

It had been a stressful week so I can confidently admit that I had a few drinks in me. My 3 friends had asked if I wanted to go long boarding with them at the parking garage in Folsom. We will call them: JB, RS, and CO. They warned me before- the venture might be slick due to the rain earlier in the day. Not only that- but the blurred vision of intoxication was not to be forgotten.

Arriving at the top of the garage- CO immediately jumps on his board and heads down. Within 10 minutes, I watch him walk up from the stairs- first lap done. I take a deep breathe and smell the passing rain. Feeling the grip of my own board on the palm of my hand, I drop it and hop on for my own ride. Hair being pushed back by the wind and the bottom of my left foot dragging along the loose rocks of the cement to slow down my speed. I stop at the 2nd turn and let JB and RS skate by.

CO starts passing me up next and I realize he is catching major speed. My eye set heavy on him I watch his board get caught and stop completely. CO hops off the board and takes 4 steps in attempt to catch his himself. But the speed overcomes him. I watch as the right side of his face slides across the cement while the bottom half of his body is in a ‘scorpion’ position. I cringe and look around to take in my surroundings for the second I felt I have. No one is around, JB and RS are already back at the top, and now CO is attempting to stand up from where he fell. I watch as his body fails him multiple times in his attempt to stand up. I run up to CO and help him sit down on the floor against a wall.

“What just happened!? What just happened!? Where am I at?” CO cries in shock. “I thought I was at home laying down on the couch.”

I giggle and feel bad for it right away, “Well. We are in the parking garage. We were long boarding. You fell hard and you are in shock.”

“I swear I was lying on the couch at home.” CO responds.

“I don’t mean to laugh. I am only giggling because you guys don’t own a couch. You guys own recliners. But anyways! You got your cell phone on you?” I feel on my pockets to see if I have mine. Forgetting that I left it in the car. I feel on CO’s pockets- he does not have his. At this point CO’s legs begin to shake. I put my knee on his right hip and start rubbing his shoulder. “I promise you that you are okay. Just hang out a second until JB and RS get here.” I continuously reassure him of what happened.

On the ride home, we all laugh and joke about the incident. We stop by Jack In the Box to get CO water and continue home where I dab the blood away from CO’s face with a towel.

☼ Rayychole

Drowning Above Water

It’s Week 7 and I’m drowning. No, you wouldn’t tell that I’m drowning. You’d look at my grades and say, “You’re doing about average. You’ll be able to succeed.” No. No. NO. NO. NO. N! O! I am not fine. I. AM. DROWNING!

Let me spell this out to you so you can understand. If a “normal” college student is “fine”, they are clearly above water, probably walking over a bridge right now. They have no sense of “feeling” the water, as it is not on their radar. Me, I’m not sleeping right. So there goes my bridge. I’m standing on top of the water now. I don’t feel it because I’m wearing shoes, but the slightest droplet of water gets into the fabric and wets my socks. You know, that gross, mushy sensation of socks that need to be air dried for a couple of hours? Yeah, that’s me in this part of the analogy.

So I’m standing on top of the water with shoes on. “Normal” people have an understanding of their assignments. Maybe slightly behind, maybe not; either way, they are at a manageable pace to catch up. As you can tell by the title, I don’t meet that criteria. I’m pretty much behind on 4/5 of my classes, by more than 3 days worth of lectures. So now everything up to my knees are underwater. My jeans are uncomfortably wet, only way to dry them off is to take them off. But I don’t want to be half naked. I don’t want to be vulnerable. I don’t want to give up, so I’m gonna keep them on.

Next I’m working two jobs. Now my head is the only thing afloat. I know I can’t swim, literally, not metaphorically. The water is splashing into my ears, the waves of irritation and stress are ringing. My senses are all thrown off due to the clogging of my ear canals. I can’t think correctly. My sensory skills are whacked out. I can’t tell right from up. Worst of it is the gravity that the water has. I can’t lift a finger underwater. It’s smothering me to the depths. Even if I COULD swim, I’d break bones trying.

Which brings me to the last of the issues. I’m in pain. My back hurts, along with my ankle. I don’t know why it’s in pain, and I don’t have any ways of trying to relieve it. So now I’m totally underwater. The surface is almost visible, but the clouds that I can vaguely make out are starting to get darker. I can tell it’s raining outside, just adding to the ocean. I don’t dare look down, as the gravity and pressure won’t allow me to force my neck back upward. I wish I had a live vest on to bring me back up. Well, I do have one. Dropping a class. Trying to not work as many hours. Sleeping in correctly. The issue is: I don’t have the resources. I don’t have the time to sleep because I need to catch up in my homework. I don’t have the luxury of dropping a class because I’m paying for my own college out of my own pocket. I can’t stop working my hours or else I won’t have enough saved for when I transfer. It’s like a big Catch 22, an enormous cycle, and I’m being flung from one part to another; once being able to see the surface and even stick my hand out, then being at the very depths, the point where light is too afraid to show itself.

It’s only week 7. I can turn this around. I’ve done it before, I can do it again. -J. E.

No hard evidence found

For this weeks blog I wanted to head back to music. Music, films, writing are all various forms of artistic inspiration that can fuel your other endeavors. Often it’s reported that music does help with writing. The downside to music is that if we flood ourselves with too much stimulus, we undoubtedly lose our control and have to try harder to focus. I’ve tried finding any scientific studies on this but all the information I’ve found online seems to be anecdotal. That being said there does seem to be some common themes among the popular music used for writing. The first theme is music without lyrics, normally music with beats. The second theme is natural sounds such as birds chirping or other sounds that might be found in nature. Classical music didn’t come up as much as I thought it would.

Overall this idea is too subjective to get a real answer for. It entirely depends on whatever your preference is and if the song fits the mood you are trying to achieve. -A.C

Delicious Taste

This will be about the taste of food from a variety of dishes. The mouth watering crunch of the deep fried calamari melted in my mouth. Entering my mouth, the flavorful salt and zesty lemon exploded in mouth. The first bite was a crispy texture, then my teeth sunk into soft and chewy flesh. Taking another piece, I dipped it into the tartar sauce before popping it into my mouth. The tartar sauce mixed with lemon juice danced around the insides of my mouth.

-KC